Old Habits

My GOD I don't want to write anything right now.

My whole body is screaming that I just DON'T want to do it.

Actually it's screaming that I CAN'T do it, which of course is horseshit.

I have SEVERE discipline problems.

It's very frustrating, especially since I know that I'm half way through chapter one, and it's been haning like that since Monday, and I said I would have it done by Friday, and it would only take me about 2.5 hours to write the end, and then I would have one WHOLE chapter done, and only have 11 more to write. And then 10. And then 9. And then 8. And then...well, you get the picture.

But I can't do that. Oh, heavens no. I don't FINISH things, do I? No.

Hell, if I finished them, THEN what would I do? What would I have to agonize about?

What would I have to distract myself from?

How would I make myself feel shitty?

Answer: I couldn't. I would just have to accept the fact that I can ACCOMPLISH something, and then that, since I can, I might ACTUALLY have to DO something with it.

THAT scares the hell out of me.

Better to not even have to go there.

Just keep Chapter One hanging.

Forever.

Keep feeling like shit.

Keep proving to yourself that you can fail at everything.

Yeah....

Um, Jackie, how's that WORKIN' for ya?