The Story Continues

Well, my readers, Chapter Two is under way. I'm sure you're all dying to know what happens after Glen kisses Maggie. Well, so was I!!

To be honest, when I wrote that final line to Chapter One, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

It was not exactly how I had planned to finish the first chapter, so I wasn't sure if I should start Chapter Two with the way I'd planned, or if I should just see what would happen.

Well, I went with what would happen, and I have to tell you that by opening myself, and my writing, up to what was new, and fresh, I came up with story bits that were far more rich then anything I had previously planned.

I've read several writers' websites, and they've all talked about the moment that the story, or the characters take over and start to tell you where they want to go.

I, like you, can't wait to see where they tell me they want to go next.

Also, realizing that when this chapter is done, I will only have ten more chapters to write is still amazing to me.

Someone once said to me that it's about small projects and short-term goals, and I have to say that I think I finally get that.

In the past, it was always about the finished product, and the complete whole. It was so BIG! No WONDER I never finished anything.

When I just think about it on a word-by-word, chapter-by-chapter basis, it becomes far easier to deal with.

And easier to write.

Not such a huge project.

Because, really, it isn't. I mean, I'm not writing public policy here, am I?

Just some romance, and some emotion.

And I am loving every minute of it.

See you at the end of TWO.

J.J

Done One

Okay, so after my last little blurb of self-hate, I sat my arse down at the computer, opened up my word document, and jumped back into Chapter One.

I'm happy to report, that it is now DONE!

And I'm even 100 words OVER my WORD COUNT requirement!

I printed it all off, so that I have a hard copy (cause I still don't entirely trust the computers not to lose things), and stood there and just stared at it for a few minutes.

I did this, I thought. All of it. From the back of my brain, to the top of each page, I wrote it all.

I even re-read some of it, and I have to admit that it doesn't suck.

It's rather quite decent, actually. It seems to ring true like the books I've been reading from my favourite romance line.

The book isn't finished yet, but at least Chapter One is.

Only 11 Chaps to go!

I'm just tickled that I did it.

Hmmm. Maybe I can do this after all.

J.J

Old Habits

My GOD I don't want to write anything right now.

My whole body is screaming that I just DON'T want to do it.

Actually it's screaming that I CAN'T do it, which of course is horseshit.

I have SEVERE discipline problems.

It's very frustrating, especially since I know that I'm half way through chapter one, and it's been haning like that since Monday, and I said I would have it done by Friday, and it would only take me about 2.5 hours to write the end, and then I would have one WHOLE chapter done, and only have 11 more to write. And then 10. And then 9. And then 8. And then...well, you get the picture.

But I can't do that. Oh, heavens no. I don't FINISH things, do I? No.

Hell, if I finished them, THEN what would I do? What would I have to agonize about?

What would I have to distract myself from?

How would I make myself feel shitty?

Answer: I couldn't. I would just have to accept the fact that I can ACCOMPLISH something, and then that, since I can, I might ACTUALLY have to DO something with it.

THAT scares the hell out of me.

Better to not even have to go there.

Just keep Chapter One hanging.

Forever.

Keep feeling like shit.

Keep proving to yourself that you can fail at everything.

Yeah....

Um, Jackie, how's that WORKIN' for ya?

Soon

Well, I'm happy to report that Chapter One is well under way, and I've now broken it up into a prologue and chapter one. This way I'm able to get a couple of the cool things accomplished in the first "chapter" so that it can start off the right way.

I've been writing for a bout 2 hours and I've only managed to come up with just over 2000 words! It takes nearly 5000 just to complete ONE chapter.

WHAT have I gotten myself into?

But I will say that when I realized I was coming up on the time that I had to quit today, I had this overwhelming feeling that I didn't want to.

I was jivin'. If that's the right expression. Everything was just flowing and moving. It was hard to say to myself that I just had to stop. Laundry is more important.

Anyway, as promised, some form of Prologue/Chapter One will be available for your perusal sometime later this week.

Can you even BELIEVE?

I know I can't.

Hee hee.

J.J

Amazed

Romance fiction truly amazes me.

Not only that actual writing, but also this entire sub-culture that exists around it.

The stats on the Romance Writer's of America's website alone are staggering:

1.2 Billion dollars in sales EACH YEAR

54.9% of all mass market fiction sold

39.3% of ALL fiction sold

And the fact that there are even IS a Romance Writer's of America Association (9500 strong), seems incredible to me.

They have their own awards (the RITA's, the Golden Heart, the Romantic Times Book Review), their own international conferences, and a whole world-wide fan base.

AND there is a Toronto chapter (Toronto Romance Writers), with published authors...well, I'm just truly stunned.

I had no idea.

There are publishers, and classes EVERYWHERE, which I'm assuming also means that there are AUTHORS everywhere, and everyone has a manuscript in their pocket.

I have already been in contact with one member of Toronto Romance Writers, who was very helpful, and all I can say is, I think I've chosen the right new path for myself.

As you've all no doubt discovered from my Blogbits, I LOVE communicating through the written word. I think it allows me to finally express myself in the way I've always wanted to.
I get the chance to consider WHAT I'm going to say, and HOW I'm going to say it.

I think I'm far funnier when I write than when I speak.

I guess it's because of all those years, alone in my room, typing my heart out on my electric typerwriter. That's how I first expressed all that STUFF that I didn't even know existed.

(Of course, when I go back and read some of that stuff now, I'm HORRIFIED by what I see: pages and pages of my issues and crap, all OVER the place.)

Now that I get to consciously write about all the stuff that's going on in my head, it feels so good to connect to it, own it, and then send it out into the world, where, hopefully, it will do someone else some good too.

Even if it's just to entertain someone, and take them away from the hum-drum of their own lives for a few hours, I know that I will have finally done something with my life that isn't completely motivated by selfish reasons. (Although, admittedly, the paycheck will feel AWESOME!)

This all goes back to a therapy session I had about 5 years ago, during which I had an epiphany.

I was complaining about the state of my life, and my therapist asked, point blank, "well, what DO you WANT from your life?"

And the answer came out of me so quickly, I knew it had to be true. I said: "I want my creativity to pay."

Even in that moment, I knew I had touched on something that was profound and that would change my life at some point.

You see, acting just never did that for me. It's very hard to be creative when no one will give you a job, and THEREFORE, you are UNABLE to be creative in that way. You sit around WAITING for the chance to create.

Well, let me tell you something, kittens:

I was DONE waiting.

Especially, since I knew, deep in the back of my mind, that I had an alternative.

True I couldn't paint, or take snappy photographs, or play and instrument, but I knew that I had something creative deep inside of me that was still untapped: I could express myself through the written word. I had written boxes full of stuff, as a kid, but writing had always come so naturally to me that I was unaware that there was anything special, or even remotely interesting about it.

But then, my dear friend Christopher, not too long ago, mentioned that he so looked forward to my emails, because not only did they let him know what I was up to, in my life, but that they were also entertaining, and that they always had a neat beginning, middle and end. With proper punctuation, if I do say so myself.

He even said: "You should think about writing."

That started the little grey cells ticking away.

Truthfully, I always knew that writing was kind of my absolute fall-back plan. If all else failed, I could always tell stories. I've been doing it all my life.

It was my Grade Two teacher who was so surprised by my desire to write stories and entertain the class with them, that he instructed my mother to "never stop this kid from being creative."

Bless her, she never did.

It was also my mother who was ALWAYS reading romance novels. "Sex, lust, and violence books" my Dad called them.

It was all around me really, wasn't it?

I guess, I just needed to open my eyes.

It's incredible how simple it all is when you just add it up, and let it be, isn't it?

It amazes me.

It truly amazes me.

J.J

Once Upon a Time...

I am excited to announce that I begin work on the first chapter of Role of a Lifetime this coming weekend.

I should have some kind of draft ready for you all to read some time next week.

This is very exciting for me.

As a kid I was obsessed with soap operas. I loved everything about them. Especially, the way you had to keep tuning in to find out what was going to happen next. The way characters came and went, and how they related to each other. And, of course, the surpirses; the ones you DIDN'T see coming because every once in a while the writers WERE just one step ahead of you.

I tried to do this myself.

You see, in order to write out my trauma (though I didn't know it at the time), I started writing my own soap operas.

I created: Our Lifetime, Search for a Lifetime, Our Family Secrets, and various other bits and pieces.

Although, I have to note that I somehow never got passed about ten episodes a piece. I would always get bored.

I wrote these with the full intention of getting the school video camera, and film my friends acting out all the parts.

It never happened.

Another of my life's unfulfilled achievements.

So now, here I am, with a new start, and a new direction. Even though nearly 20 years have passed since I typed my last "fade out", my passion for writing, romance, and the continuing story have not wained.

And now I'm writing for a living. (Or at least working on it.)

And here's where I need your help.

As some of you know, I am remarkably adept at NOT finishing things I start.

So, when I finish each chapter and send it out to some of you folks, I'm asking you to keep on my butt, in case I get sidetracked, preoccupied, or just bored, and stop writing.

I hope that since I have a responsibility to all of you, my readers, to keep the chapters coming , I will actually COMPLETE something I've started.

And together we'll both get to experience the excitement of a story, as it continues to come to life.

Now, back to my story, already in progress.

J.J

Hallelujah!

It's DONE!

The Chapter Breakdowns for my novel are now DONE!

All twelve chapters are sufficiently filled out enough to help me start writing everything out in full manuscript form. I can't tell you what a relief it is to have this step done.

Honest to god, it's like pulling teeth. You have to go so far down into your creative well, that you discover you have things in there you didn't even know you had. And when the good stuff comes up, usually as a surprise, it's a truly AWESOME feeling.

What I can't believe is that there's such a difference between what the first draft of my chapters looked like, and what this second and, hopefully, final draft look like.

Maybe it'll change again, but only incrementally, and quite frankly, it's just time I started writing the "long" version of all this stuff.

I feel like I've piddled away enough time on getting the chapter breakedowns "just right" before properly starting the book, that I just can't wait any longer.

I feel like I should have done three versions of the breakdowns, but then, that could just be my obsessive compulsive nature to have everything done it some kind of magical pattern. Two hardly seems like a finished product, to me. Three is a much more finished number, don't you think?

Oh, well, since I am known for procrastination, I'm just going to get the hell on with it and get started on writing THE FIRST CHAPTER!

And who knows, I'm sure things will chage, yet again, in the story, but at least I have the peace of mind to know that I have a baseline structure that I can always drop back to if I should ever lose my way.

What a treat that is.

I'm just so THRILLED people that I even got THIS far.

I can't even imagine how I'll feel when and if I actually ever get the thing properly DONE.

Oh, well. Only time will tell.

Here's to it!

J.J

Working It Out

Writing is REALLY hard.

The working title of my first book is: "The Perfect Role".

I've already written one complete version of the 12 chapter breakdowns that make up the novel.

And, like most things, once I was done, I realized that I'd written the story entirely BACKWARDS.

So, I've spent the past week rolling the whole thing over and over in my head trying to rework it, and then put all of that down onto the page so that it makes some kind of chronological sense.

I will say that this second version is definitely MUCH better than the first.

This is all based on something one of my drama teachers taught me back in my theatre days: "Always play the opposite."

Of course, in that context, it simply meant that if you wanted the audience to cry, then you SHOULDN'T. Play the opposite. It's always more heartwrenching to watch someone REFUSING to cry even in the face of great adversity, than it is to see them crumble and give in like a victim.

But I've always liked that word: opposite.

I remember helping a former boyfriend write some poetry, a few years ago. He'd written all this beautiful work, primarily in couplets. I mentioned to him that I thought that if he simply reversed the first two couplets in each four line stanza it would be more powerful, and surprising for the reader.

Cause when you write something for the first time, you are still just figuring it out yourself. Once you're done doing that, then you should always go back, and switch it around, so that both you and the audience are surprised where something is going.

Play the opposite.

Anyway, all this has led to a complete back-to-front reversal of my storyline and chapter breakdowns. Which of course also means that I've now had to rewrite and ADD tonnes of stuff to the new re-jigged story.

But it isn't taking quite as long as the first version took.

Certainly the characters are seeming more and more at my fingertips, and is some cases are telling me where they want to go.

It's a fascinating process.

And a frustrating one.

But then, like most things in life, it all depends on how you look at it.

Play the opposite, indeed.

Hello Friends!

Welcome to my new blogsite.

I'll try to keep you all properly updated on my writing progress.

Perhaps one day, I'll even have a finished product to tell you about.

And to sell!

Let's keep our fingers crossed.

J.